Being LGBTQ+ in Aviation: Why Are So Many Flight Attendants Gay?

Hey friends! In this episode, we’re diving into a topic we get asked about all. the. time. — why does it seem like so many flight attendants are gay? We’re breaking down the stereotypes, the realities, and sharing our personal journeys as a queer married couple working in aviation. From uniform policies to cultural experiences, from the freedom of anonymity to the challenges of truly being seen — we get into it all.

We’re also talking about how this industry has given us the space to be our loudest, proudest selves and how it continues to evolve. Whether you’re queer and curious about flight attendant life or you just want to understand the community better, this convo is open, honest, and full of heart (and, of course, a few laughs). Buckle up, because we’re ready for takeoff.

Episode Highlights:

[1:55] Just in case you missed it — yes, we're married, and yes, very gay.
[3:00] Why flight attendant life is so appealing to LGBTQ folks.
[5:23] Letting your guard down and finally breathing free.
[7:24] Discovering culture and queer acceptance in cities around the world.
[9:11] The hidden side of anonymity in aviation.
[11:22] The evolution of gender presentation and uniform policies.
[13:21] Why comfort in your identity equals better job performance.
[14:55] Flight Attendant Friday — celebrating authentic representation.
[16:32] Travel broadens your lens — especially for queer folks.
[18:56] Breaking the mold beyond the old-school gay flight attendant stereotype.
[20:42] Ask A Flight Attendant: “Do you just turn around and go right back?”.
[23:29] The real answer and why your mom thinks you're vacationing all day.

Thanks for flying with us! If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to rate, follow, and leave us a review. And hey — share it with a friend who could use a little sky-high inspiration. We’ll see you next time with more humor, heart, and stories from the beverage cart.

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Transcript

Rich: 0:00

You ever wondered what your flight attendants are really talking about behind the galley curtain? Welcome

Andrew: 0:06

to Two guys on a plane. Your go to podcast for an insider look at flight attendant life.

Rich: 0:11

We're your hosts, rich and Drew, and we're here to tell you what really goes on at 35,000 feet.

Andrew: 0:16

So sit back, relax. We're ready for takeoff. Welcome back to two guys on a plane. Today, we are going to talk about being queer in aviation. One of the biggest questions that we get asked on the regular is, why are so many flight attendants gay? And so we are gonna talk about it today. Yeah,

Rich: 0:38

we're excited to be back here today talking about being queer in aviation, I feel like it's such an interesting topic, because people always ask that, and it all started with the stereotypical gay male, sassy flight attendant, but I feel like that was rooted in something, you know, obviously there was some truth to that, But it's definitely evolved over time. But I remember I was doing an interview with some media outlet a couple years back, and they asked me this question, but in like a not like a fun like, gosh, all these flight attendants are gay kind of way, but in almost like an insulting kind of way, like they were insinuating that it was a bad thing. And that's what really prompted me to start thinking about this subject, because it's like, no, it's not a bad thing. It's a cool thing. I think it's awesome that so many LGBTQ plus people come to the aviation world and really just feel like I can be myself here,

Andrew: 1:40

yeah, but before we really dive into the topic, just, just so everyone is aware, Rich is my husband. We are gay, two guys on a plane. We thought it would give it away, but it doesn't really. So it's a very case. There's any questions out there, Rich is my husband. We are

Rich: 1:55

always the people don't realize we're married, and we're like, there's like, a rainbow on our Instagram account we post our wedding photos, I don't know, but yes. So

Andrew: 2:05

most of this conversation is going to be from our personal experiences on this issue. So yeah, I remember when this happened to you, because you we started talking about it because it made for I think it kind of bothered you. I do know that it bothered you the way that it came about. The question came about from the person that you were discussing it with, and then it kind of started a dialog for us. Because, I mean, truthfully, I mean, yes, there is an appearance that most flight attendants, particularly male, are gay. I don't think that's the truth, but what I mean, I know it's not, but

Rich: 2:47

I can say for sure I've definitely met a straight male flight attendant. They're out there.

Andrew: 2:53

They are out there. We're friends with the viewers.

Rich: 2:55

We are, we are. But yeah, no, all jokes aside, I really, I just think that it's always been one of those jobs where you live so many years as a queer person in the closet, and you just feel like you can't really be yourself, and you're trapped, you know, physically and metaphorically, in this place where you grew up, where maybe you're not accepted for who you are, and maybe there's a bigger world out there. And I think the flight attendant job really lends to queer people, because you spend so long hiding who you are and not getting out there. And the opportunity to now explore the world, meet new people, meet people from all walks of life. It just, it's really enticing. I think it really draws people, you know, kind of out of their shell and out of the closet, so to speak, and really just lets them open up and come as they are unapologetically,

Andrew: 3:52

yeah, and I think the anonymity of it really is probably the biggest draw. I don't think I knew it when I started, but when you first start flying, you realize very quickly that you're never flying with the same people like your coworkers, are never the same. So on a monthly basis, you've flown with 30 different people, right, right? And so you just get to be your biggest, loudest self in you know, coming from a little backstory, I came I lived in, I grew up in a small town, so I think that, you know, you deal with the pressures of trying to figure out your identity, and then you get to a place, you finally pick your career, you get a job. I was 20 when I started flying, so I was fresh out of college, and I just finally felt free, right? Because you're flying to places where it's acceptable to be gay. You're flying with people who are accepting of the fact that you are gay, and even if they're not, they're not telling you that, and if they did, tell you that, you only had to spend what, two days with them, three days. With them, and then you may never see that person again. So there is some freedom in just finally being able to let down your own personal guard and breathe a little bit because the passengers, I mean, don't care. I mean, they're there for a good time. So if you you know, I mean, as gay flight attendants, I think we use the demo as our own personal little fashion

Rich: 5:23

show, a little runway auction, right? I think we were joking about

Andrew: 5:26

it last night, just Jack 2002

Rich: 5:29

Yeah, it definitely isn't. It's, it's almost like, you know, we come out to people in our lives, family, friends, whoever, inevitably, someone is not supportive, right? Someone is always saying, I don't approve of this. I don't approve of who you are, whatever the case may be, and it's almost like this is meeting all these new crew members and passengers. It's like a new way to come out again and feel maybe even validated about who you are, and maybe feel seen and appreciated in ways that you haven't been in your life.

Andrew: 6:01

But I think that was the good thing for me, is because I didn't have to keep coming out, right, right? Because the assumption was already there. The assumption is that I am a male on a flight attendant, so I am gay, so I didn't have to answer those questions anymore, right? I could just exist and be me, and, you know, for the most part, safely be me, right?

Rich: 6:22

Yeah. I do feel like, I mean, there are obviously exceptions to the rule, as there are in any case, but I do feel like, in general, there's no surprise. You know you if you're a male and you say my boyfriend, or if you're you know female and say, my girlfriend, or whoever you're dating, whatever the case may be, no one goes, oh, like, no one turns their head and and is, like, makes it any sort of uncomfortability there. It's just normal. Like, it's it's normal, it's casual, and it It's freeing to feel normal and casual when you have, maybe haven't been growing up or in your other areas of your life?

Andrew: 7:04

Yeah, I 100% agree, and particularly with, like, working on the airplane. And I think there's the added layer of the travel part, right? Because we're going to layover, so you're bidding layovers in new and exciting cities, like, I've never been to San Francisco. I got to San Francisco, and I was like, this is the gayest place I've ever been. This is so fun. Yeah,

Rich: 7:25

yeah. I mean, it's, it's crazy, like, there, it's cliche, but there really is a big mind world out there. And, like, even growing up, you know, I grew up in Boston and a relatively liberal family that was mostly very supportive, give or take a couple people. But, you know, I went to a Catholic school, and Catholic school was very much like, Nope, you can't have a gay straight alliance. You can't bring your boyfriend to prom. Like, there was a lot of pushback in some areas of my life, but I always thought, Oh, I'm in this, like, liberal bubble, and then you get out into the world and you're like, there are people just living so proudly, and it's so inspiring to see that. And I want to be a part of that life. I don't want to feel like what I'm doing is not okay or not normal, like I want to, I want to feel okay. And, yeah, it's just interesting to think about that. And then, you know, I feel like there's some anonymity to being a flight attendant, you know, like you were saying about meeting different crew members each and every day, you can have a three day trip and just be whoever, and come back to work next week and be a totally different person. Not to say that you should have multiple personalities, but, I mean, it just kind of is nice that you don't really have to think about that. You don't have to answer for yourself. You know you can fly with people and not really care what they think about your personal life. You can fly with someone who might be homophobic or transphobic and who might think you know you shouldn't wear this uniform if you're this gender or whatever the case may be, those close minded principles, you can push back on them in the moment. You can feel some type of way about it, but then you can kind of move on from that and and just keep living your life for you. Yes,

Andrew: 9:12

I 100% agree. I also looking back on it, though. I mean, there, there is kind of a darker side to all of this too. Like, sometimes I feel like, because of the anonymity, I traded one closet for another because you still don't let people like, really get to know you, right? So while you're you know out being your loud, proud self, you're still not allowing people in to get to know you, that anonymity is kind of a closet all on its own until you can, like, figure, Figure out how to to meld your queerness and your career.

Rich: 9:48

Yeah, it can be isolating, too, in those moments where you know you're on a trip, and maybe you're on a trip with people who aren't super supportive of you, or you know they even vibe or click. With, and now you're on this three day, four day trip, stuck with somebody, and it's like, I don't know. I don't know about this, right? I don't know if I can do this for for another day. But we were

Andrew: 10:12

talking to friends about it the other day too, though, and it's not just gay men anymore. I mean, I think the stereotype starts, I think the stereotype starts with men, but I think that, I mean, we were having a conversation with friends about it, and they were like, I'm seeing more lesbians out. And is that a new trend? Is that something you guys are seeing, it's evolving, for sure, yep, but lesbians have always existed in aviation. It's not just men. But I think because of our such rigid uniform rules, I think it was easier for women to blend right because the high heels, the pantyhose, the makeup, the hair, like all of it are our rules are so rigid that you you had to kind of but now that we're entering a new age where our uniform policies are relaxing and and companies are finding that it's important for people to dress in a way that makes them most comfortable. I think we're seeing a lot more feminine presenting men, and I think we're seeing more masculine presenting women on the planes. And I so I think it makes it easier to say there's more lesbians, but I think, I think they've always been with us. Yeah,

Rich: 11:23

I think that's, I mean, that's a conversation people are having in general, outside of the industry as well, too, where people are like, Oh, there's more gay people now than there's ever been. And it's like, no, it's just that we're starting to be ourselves, loud and proud and out about it. And I think that it's just people aren't willing to be in the closet anymore. You know, people are that part starting to realize and starting to accept that it's okay to be gay, it's okay to be a lesbian, it's okay to be trans, it's okay to be non binary, it's okay to be whatever version of yourself that you want to be, that you are in your core. And I think, you know, obviously the airlines, some are slower than others with progressing on this issue, but I think the relaxation of some of our very gender stereotypical uniform guidelines are really making an impact, because people can choose whatever uniform they're comfortable wearing, and that's really lending to people just feeling more free and comfortable at work. And props to the airlines that are doing a good job with this, and shame on you the ones that are not doing a good job on this. Because, you know, I think, I think this is really helping the queer community at work well.

Andrew: 12:37

And also, if you're allowed to show up as your most full, authentic self, you're going to do a better job if you feel like you're repressing or hiding something. I mean, you're not going to do a good job

Rich: 12:49

at work. No, exactly. And our job is critical. I mean, our safety responsibilities, our service responsibilities. You've got 200 passengers on this plane that are, you know, their lives are our job to keep safe at that point, and if we don't feel safe in ourselves and in our uniform and what we're wearing, and you know, in our life, it's, we're not going to perform our duties well. So, yeah, I really think it has a ripple effect on the individual talking

Andrew: 13:17

about being gay in aviation to uniforms. It's, it's a quick turn.

Rich: 13:21

I mean, I think it's important. I think it's a very important thing to discuss. I mean, physical and mental and emotional all need to be aligned in order for someone to feel comfortable with who they are, yeah, and yeah. It's been really cool to see our industry grow and change in a positive direction. I mean, don't get me wrong, we definitely have coworkers out there who are not on board with that. One of my favorite things about our flight attendant Friday series, going back to that, is that we've been able to feature multiple people that are wearing the uniform that met like maybe not traditionally assigned with their gender, they're wearing a comfortable a collection that's comfortable for them, and being able to put that out there. And while yes, there are negative comments and pushback, it's so beautiful to see people just being themselves, 110% unapologetically. And it's so inspiring because I just think about even like in my own personal life, you know, as a kid, like being a little gay boy running around with Barbies and loving pink, like, yeah, a little stereotypical, but being made fun of for that by everyone you meet, including your own family, it's hurtful, right? And so to see people now just leaning in to who they are and expressing themselves so openly like it makes me emotional, it makes me hopeful that there is good in the world and that we're going to continue in this direction, even in the dark times that we are experiencing in life. Right? In

Andrew: 14:56

case, this is your first episode, the flight attendant Friday that rich referenced. That's. A series we do on our Instagram page where we highlight different flight attendants once a week, once a month, once a

Rich: 15:07

week. I do the posting, in case anyone was wondering,

Andrew: 15:13

but our flight attendant Friday is active, flight attendants who submit stories and then we share their we share their stories on our Instagram. Yeah, agree wholeheartedly. Like that has been one of my favorite parts of that series, as seeing and allowing people to be them for their full, authentic selves and see how that is translating out onto the line. Because the same like growing up in a small town things that you don't really have the words or the ability to say, and no one's teaching you that either, but that to then, you know, see people out just being 100% themselves, it makes you want to figure out who you are, so you can be yourself too, yeah, which is, honestly what I love about aviation. You know, we talked about the good and the bad with your crews. I don't think we've touched enough on travel and culture. Being queer like that was one of the biggest things for me. You know, as a baby, little gay, when I started this job, I mean, it wasn't just within the US though. I mean, we kind of giggled about going to San Francisco for the first time, but I just think the world is so I mean, all the different cultures and all the different ways that humans are celebrated, and then you feel like you're trapped in this little box, and you get out somewhere in Europe, and you're like, Oh, this is fun,

Rich: 16:32

yeah, I mean, and you meet people, and you're like, I didn't even know living your life this way was an option, you know? Like, you just get stuck in your own little bubble. And I think, I think that really helps queer people see, like your life, that you grew up in, that maybe made you feel stuck or trapped or restricted to being a certain type of way. I think this job, you go out and, like you said, you see all these other people in these cultures, in these cities that embrace being queer or embrace religion or embrace other cultures, or whatever the case may be, and you think, Well, gosh, this is a choice. I don't have to live my life this way. I can choose my own life, choose my own path and really just be myself in whatever version that is, yeah,

Andrew: 17:19

or seeing people who are like religions, who are inviting other cultures who like invite your queer into their religion, instead of, you know, trying to keep it separate or trying to condemn you for it like, I think that was the most eye opening thing for me was that there are religions in the world where everyone is celebrated, you are allowed to just be I think that's beautiful, because growing up, you did, I mean, I didn't think I'd see that ever anywhere. No

Rich: 17:48

no. Seeing that kind of just acceptance on a whole new level is not something I would have ever imagined would have been in our lifetime, right? I mean, like you were making fun of, you know, just jack from Will and Grace. And it's like, when we were growing up, that was kind of it. These, like, two white gay guys on TV, and we're like, okay, cool representation. We're there. Queer people are on TV, but like, are we always going to be reduced to stereotypes like being a male flight attendant, you know, or reading Jack Mary a male flight

Unknown: 18:25

attendant.

Rich: 18:26

Oh, my God, did he Yeah, oh, he

Unknown: 18:29

was right. Did he marry up a day into the series?

Rich: 18:33

He definitely dated a flight attendant at least, or maybe the one in the end, didn't they get married in the airport? His name

Unknown: 18:40

was someone answered

Rich: 18:42

this question for us. Yeah. Now we need to go on a little grace binge. Um, but yeah, I just it's cool to see all of that evolve and just not be boiled down to a stereotype and what that has become today. It's

Andrew: 18:56

truly my favorite part of being a flight attendant is the acceptance that you feel from literally everyone, yeah,

Rich: 19:05

yeah, people that in any other circumstance would probably some of them would scoff or be judgmental about it, but it's like, Hey, you're crew, I'm crew. You live your life, I live my life Cool.

Andrew: 19:22

Now, let's go grab some drinks and enjoy this layover. Right? Exactly,

Rich: 19:26

right. Well, I think this has been a great conversation about this, and it's definitely given me even more to think about. I mean, you guys tell us what you think, you know, what are your thoughts if you're queer and aviation like DM us, you know, let us know what your thoughts are. We'd love to hear from you about it. But before we go, I think we should do another segment, because I'm all about the segments. That's something I shouldn't do again, the singing, yeah, I won't do that again. But. Um Yeah, we want to play another segment called Ask a flight attendant. And in this little series that we're going to do, we're going to address the serious questions and also the ridiculous questions, because as we all know as flight attendants, we get asked some of these same questions about our job and our lifestyle over and over and over again. And some of them are ridiculous, and some of them it's a very logical question, and we're here to answer and answer your questions. So yeah, what is our question of the day? Do you just turn around and go right back? They love asking us this question. Passengers just I think that they think we live on the airplane.

Andrew: 20:42

That's my that's my problem with this question. Not that i i I want to be like, ask smarter questions truly, but I feel like in the way that question is phrased, there's an assumption that live on the airplane, and I just run back and forth between Philly and Akron all day, right?

Rich: 21:02

And people will like, it doesn't matter the length of the fight. People will think like, Oh, so you're just doing this back and forth all day. And it's like, I'm working a fight from LA to London. There's no back and forth all day. That fight takes all day. It's just we have to sleep and get off and shower and eat and do things like normal people eventually. But I mean it whether it's Philly to Akron or it's like London to La they always ask this question, how many times you doing this today?

Andrew: 21:29

Yeah, I also the sometimes the fight only operates once a day. There is no like time today, right? Because you got on the plane griping about the fact that you had to leave a meeting early to make this one flight today. No, we're not just bouncing back and forth. In fairness, though, I will say that our schedules are like trigonometry. Trying to explain to somebody that doesn't do it very often. I've been doing it for almost 20 years now, and I still have to explain to my mom that no matter where I land, the it looks the same. The airplane looks the same, no matter what city we put it in. She's like, Oh, it's so beautiful. You get to go to Florida today, and I'm like, the airplane looks the same,

Rich: 22:12

yeah. And Mom, if you're listening, a turn is what we call when you go from one city to another city, turn around and go back. It's a turn. It's just a little turn. There's one there and one back. And that's what we mean when we say turn. So if you hear us using that phrase, it's usually on a one day trip, but sometimes they're attached to multi day trips as well. But a turn is just going somewhere and coming right back. We don't even get off the plane or anything, right? And yeah, I know it's funny. We love our moms, but it is. I've been doing it 11 years. You've been doing it 2121 years. It's insane. I can't believe you just submitted that public but, yeah, we, you know, we're always explaining this to them. It's like, I'll tell my mom doing, you know, a Cancun turn or something, and she's like, Oh, beautiful. And she'll look up the weather and it's 90 degrees and it's so sweet. And she's like, that'll be nice. And I'm like, Mom, it's a turn. We don't we don't even get off the plane. But yeah, so when people ask us, do you turn around and go right back? In some cases, yes, we do. But also in other cases, we're bouncing all over the place, or we're just doing one flight. Just

Andrew: 23:21

sit on this plane all day long, right? They do require that we have rest and right food and things sometimes, yeah, sometimes, but yeah,

Rich: 23:30

keep your questions coming. We love answering them, and we some days they're funny, some days they're serious, but there are a lot of questions about flight attendant life, and we are here to answer them. That's why we're here for that's what we're here for. So join us next time for more humor, heart and stories from the beverage cart. This episode was brought to you by staff traveler, the number one non rev app if you travel on standby tickets and are looking to make your journey easy and stress free, check out the staff traveler app in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store, visit staff traveler.com/two guys to learn more and sign up

Buzz Burbank: 24:08

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