Two Guys on a Plane
Ever been on a flight and wondered what flight attendants are *really* laughing about behind that curtain in the galley? Welcome to Two Guys on a Plane, a podcast where we take you up in the air for a behind-the-scenes look at our lives on the jumpseat. Join us for hilarious inflight moments, passenger stories, travel pet peeves, our favorite destinations, flying tips, and interviews with fellow crew members and other travel enthusiasts. Whether you’re in the airline industry or simply love flying, buckle up for a fun, informative, and hilarious journey. Hosted by Drew and Rich: flight attendants, husbands, and sarcasm specialists.
Two Guys on a Plane
Is This Your Regular Route? What a Flight Attendant Schedule is Really Like
Ever wondered how we flight attendants actually plan our lives around the chaos of air travel? In this episode, we're pulling back the curtain on the mystery of our schedules. From the strategies we use (or don’t) when bidding for monthly trips, to how our contracts shape our work rules, we’re breaking it all down in a way only two seasoned crew members can. And no, we don’t just work weekdays or fly the same routes over and over again. We’re diving into why one of us crams all the hours into just a few days, while the other is constantly swapping trips for something “better.” Plus, we wrap it up with a jaw-dropping listener story.
Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome aboard! Talking about schedule questions we get all the time.
[0:50] Our very different bidding strategies and why they work (or don’t).
[2:45] Drew’s high-hour strategy vs. Rich’s hunt for easy trips.
[4:24] FAA rules vs. contract differences—why every airline plays by its own rules.
[6:39] Are you a “bid right away” or “last minute” type? (Spoiler: Rich is chaos).
[10:39] The real reason Rich can’t quit flight attendant life.
[14:35] Flying 10-12 days a month sounds light, but here’s the catch.
[17:20] Canceled or delayed? The behind-the-scenes chaos you don’t see.
[20:20] Why “holiday busy” is real—but so is spring break and random weekends.
[22:17] Listener Story: The most unhinged in-flight couple we’ve ever heard of.
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You ever wondered what your flight attendants are really talking about behind the galley curtain?
Andrew:Welcome to Two guys on a plane. Your go to podcast for an insider look at flight attendant life.
Rich:We're your hosts, rich and Drew, and we're here to tell you what really goes on at 35,000 feet.
Andrew:So sit back, relax. We're ready for takeoff. Hi friends. Welcome back to two guys on a plane today. We're talking schedules, bidding and all of those fun things as flight attendants. One of the most common questions that we get asked are, is this your regular route? Do you just turn around and go back and how long's your day? And we're here to answer some of those questions, because it's a very complex answer, and we figured if we talked about how we bid, we could answer some of those questions for you so rich, tell me, are you happy with your bid this month?
Rich:I am not happy with I think she was drinking while Yeah, I think I that's the funny thing too. Is over time. bidding. No, actually, never, never a good idea. Don't drink a bit in you guys, but no. What happened this month is I specifically remember is I kept saying I was gonna do it, and I kept having crazy days of flying and getting busy. And it was literally like, the day bids closed an hour before, and I was like, I'm just gonna put in a bunch of generic stuff. Like, it should be fine. It was not it was not fine. Never turned I have been working on rearranging that bid all month long because I made such a mess out of it. But you know what? Things Like, I remember when I started flying, like, being home was happen? Maybe some junior people got some fun trips that I didn't get, and it's all good. I'm happy for them. How about you? How did your schedule turn out this month?
Andrew:You know, I got enough of what I like or what I bid for or what I wanted that it makes up for what I didn't get. So overall, generally, happy, yeah, that actually sounds pretty good, right? I'm happy, right? All right, I think you started answering one of my questions already, but I'm going to start with, what's your bidding strategy?
Rich:It is a great question, considering I just shared with you that I basically no strategy.
Andrew:Okay, this month you didn't but in general, like, like, not fun for me. And it wasn't because, like, things what is your if you weren't drinking, what would have been your strategy?
Rich:I wasn't drinking. It was just last minute. My strategy normally is to, I try to bid because, you know, I'm kind of at that weird seniority where it's like, I can hold decent stuff, but I can't hold amazing stuff. And so I try to bid like lower time so that I can cherry pick nicer trips and add that and sprinkle those in as I can. But so that's generally kind of my strategy. And I love, you know, I like domestic trips. I like easy domestic trips, and then sprinkling in some were bad at home or anything, like I lived alone, but it was international stuff as as time goes on throughout the month, if I can pick those up last minute. But what about you? What do you what's your bidding strategy?
Andrew:I am a day of the week high hour flyer. So, like my strategy, is simply hours. I want to get the most amount of hours in the least amount of days possible. So whatever that looks like, good trips, bad trips, it doesn't matter. I need the most amount of hours in the least amount of days. And that's my bid strategy.
Rich:We're so opposite, which I think is so funny, because you will do those, like, long, high credit, awful thing, awful thing, to get the most amount of time in the least amount of like, it just this job was so exciting that the thought of days. And I'm like, Oh, this three day that has two legs and only pays like, $5 I mean, absolutely. And it's kind of crazy, because I just want easy I want to go to work and have an easy time. And you're like, I don't want to be around power through it, yeah, long as I'm getting paid to be there, yeah? And then I like to stack all my flying and have, like, two weeks off, if I can, in a month. And you're not really like that either. You kind of,
Andrew:I think it depends on what's going on in the month, but in general, I kind of like to do, like, I really am good for like, three days at a time. Yeah, if I have to do more than going anywhere was like, Cool. You know, it's like, oh, that's three days that, you might as well call me hangry, because I'm just angry about it the whole time.
Rich:And Mom, if you're listening, our bidding is a little chaotic, and it's not really like any other job, because we bid once a month for our schedules for the next month, and it's all seniority based. And a lot of people don't realize that, you know, when they ask those questions, you know, to us, it's like, it's, it's all seniority. So you can hope that you are working this amazing trip, you know, every every month, but you might be working some crappy trips if you're on the junior end of things. Wouldn't you agree?
Andrew:Yes. And the other thing, I think that people don't so exciting. I've never been to Oklahoma City, and it's like, know about bidding or our work rules in general, because they compare us to pilots a lot. Pilots are like, all governed by the far so, like, their work rules are written by the like by the FAA, right? They have very hard like duty and rest rules and all of those sort of things. As flight attendants, most of our work rules come from our contracts. Yeah. So, like, we literally all could be doing something different, like, every one of our contracts reach just a little bit differently. I mean, really, the only thing that the FAA like requires is how much rest we get. But other than that, we don't really have. Lot of, like, work rules outside of our contract. So all of us Oh, really. So it's funny, because over time, I definitely are doing something different. So when you ask these questions to us on an airplane, you're going to get a different answer, because we can all do a little bit different of something.
Rich:Yeah, that's so true when it comes to, like, crew legalities, scheduling legalities, and layovers and rest like, some of that is mandated by the FAA, but a lot of it is contract. And you're right, and we work for different airlines, and that comes up in our conversations a lot of time, especially when we get like, rescheduled, or things like that, when things go wrong, and we'll be like, and then obviously this happened, and one of us will be like, what they did, what to you? Like, there's no way. And it's like, my like being home more, but I've been kind of flight attendant to contract would never allow that, and vice versa, you'll, you know, you'll say something. And it's like, how did that happen to you? Where's your contract, right? And it's like, no, this is in the contract. So it's wild how things really do vary. Person like airline to airline,
Andrew:and mom, a reschedule reroute are the same thing. It just depends on the time of day that it happens. So if it's before or after during, that's whether it's a reschedule or reroute, but they're really the same thing.
Rich:Wait, call me mom right now. What do you mean
Andrew:a reschedule reroute? They're the same thing. It just depends on when it happens in your day. Does it happen before you check in for your channel? Does it happen while you're doing it? A reschedule is before a reroute?
Rich:But that was different. I didn't know this was wait. where I go through spurts where it's like, one month I'm all
Andrew:You just learned it.
Rich:I didn't know that either.
Andrew:I know they're interchangeable, but yeah, no, it depends on when in your sequence it's happening, whether it's a rescheduler, I have no idea who knows. We learned something new today. Okay, rich, so when do you bid? Are you as soon as the bids open? Bidder? Are you a last minute bidder?
Rich:I am definitely a last minute bitter. I try to be not this person every month, and every month I fail for one reason or another, and I'm almost always bidding pretty last minute. Sometimes I'll put something in a day or two early, about red eyes, or all nighters or whatever it is. One month I'm but yeah, I'm often a last minute bidder.
Andrew:Yeah, I'm not. It stresses me out far too much. I don't know how you do it. Every month I watch this happen, and it it fascinates me, because the moment bids open, I have at least something in there, and then I like tweak it along the month. But you really stressed me out with your bidding strategy.
Rich:Well, I think that part is like, when you bid, the outcome of this scenario just goes to show, because you don't mess with your schedule that much. And when my schedule comes out, it's like, constant, like, all month long, I am trading, dropping, swapping, like, we're halfway through the month right now, and I am still working on my schedule. Like I am all about international stuff, because I want to go cool definitely that flight attendant for sure. I'm always so, like, convinced that there's, like, something better out there, like there's going to be a better trip. And so I'm always trying to manipulate things a little bit further.
Andrew:Yeah, you definitely do not fly what you bid. I don't even have to ask the next question, because I know that you don't fly what you bid.
Rich:I do sometimes
Andrew:one of the like, however many trips you were awarded, and
Rich:usually one or two of the like, six or seven.
Andrew:Yeah, I see your point. Rich doesn't fly. What he bids, I definitely do, which is why bidding is so important to me, places. One month I want to do turns like I definitely it's which is why I stress over it. Because I'm like, I cannot work more than two legs a day. I won't touch certain cities depending on whether if I'm working more than two legs a day. I've, like, scoured the bid packet to make sure that, like, one of those is a cleaning station, because I'm only cleaning the airplane so many times a day. You really, I really put a lot of thought into this. So I definitely bid to fly what I'm bidding. So I bid credit. I bid legs per day. I don't work two legs per day. I bid to, like, go to different places. Because, I mean, we've talked about it so many times before, that's one of the joys of this job is that you get to, like a month by month mood for me, which, I don't know what like, different personalities on different segments. And I like to mix it up. I like, I really, like a mix of, like, turns and trips, because sometimes you want to go home. I really, I've, I've been doing this too long. I can't do more than like, two days at a time this is about me as a person, but this is definitely how I am. I mean, I think that says everything about being a flight attendant. This is exactly why bidding is fun, right? Or different for all of us. You know, we've taught you on vacation, trips. I want. Like, hard working, right? Hard hours, get me in and get me out trips. And you're like, I'll go sit somewhere for 30 hours. I'm like, I could be making 30 hours on that, on that sit or on that layover.
Rich:Do you ever Just enjoy having, like, a really long layover.
Andrew:No, I've never enjoyed a really long layover. Um, like, 18 hours is really what I'm good for on a layover, anything more than that, and I'm like, well, now I'm just wasting a day being here. And what do you do to occupy yourself? I don't know. This place, I make memes, although I do bid for, like, food. And yeah, I mostly bid for food. So if you have good food, I'm, I'll, I'll stay there longer,
Rich:30 hours of eating. Sign me up. I'm into it.
Andrew:I mean, have you had barbecue spaghetti in Memphis yet? It's worth it. It's worth a 30 hour layover.
Rich:Barbecue spaghetti?
Andrew:yeah, oh, it's so good in Memphis. It's like pulled pork and barbecue sauce on top of spaghetti. It's the best.
Rich:Wait, what? Yeah, how have I not heard of this?
Andrew:I don't know, because it's phenomenal. Okay, maybe a little bit of next time you're in Memphis,
Rich:this is why I could literally never leave this job, though, is because every schedule is different. Like, you can be consistent and have that nine to five type schedule, right? Or you can be chaotic, like me and just literally be all over the place, like, land from a red eye one day and then do a turn the next day, and then suddenly I'm in Paris. Like, I don't, I don't like being tied to one thing,
Andrew:yeah, well, and that's the thing I love about it, like, you go on family vacations. And, like, we, where were we? We went on vacation with my family. And they were like, oh, did you all take vacation to be here? And we were like, No, we just bid the week off. And they were like, what? And I was like, I mean, I worked to get this, yeah, off. Like, I spent the last two weeks working, but I don't go back for like, three weeks. And they're always, it's always dumbfounding to them that we have the ability to do that.
Rich:Yeah, they're always mind blown by that. And I'm like, this is the best part of the job, right? Is it's like, I'll take a vacation whenever I want to.
Andrew:Yeah, and I love the people that, like, bid high hours for like, two months and then don't work for a month? Yeah, I can't do it. I'm not responsible enough to be that person. No, I know, and I really love that people could do that.
Rich:No, and this is something you've been making fun of me for a lot lately, because I will drop stuff so last minute, and then at the end of the month I'm like, Oh no, I don't have enough hours for the month. There's nothing I can do. It is the end of the month. Poor me. Like, so sad. And you're always like, you knew this was coming, right? Like, you're doing this on purpose, yes. And I'm always like, oh, what?
Andrew:I always love when you put stuff on the trade board just to see if it'll drop. You know, he does it. He does not believe this, like, crappy trip that he has is gonna drop. He's like, it has a 5am check in, and it's 9pm and I was like, someone's always gonna pick this up. And he was like, I'll just put it on there to see if it'll drop. It always drop.
Rich:It does not always drop. You were making this up sometime,
Andrew:literally always drops.
Rich:Sometimes it doesn't. And those are sad, sad days for rich. What I mean, do you You're, you're the opposite. You don't like dropping stuff. You, you really don't.
Andrew:I mean, listen, things come up, life happens. I have to drop things, I will. But no, I'm, I'm very much a bid. What I've fly, what I bid. Type person, you also don't like calling out sick, like, it actually makes you sick to call out sick does? Yeah, it does. Or I have made myself sick because I'm thinking about calling in sick, and then I like, well, I guess I'm sick now, so I have to call out. But yeah, I don't. I'm not saying this is good or bad. Don't take my advice here. But like me personally, I like, really refuse to do it. I don't. I'm going to therapy.
Rich:We're both in therapy, guys, we know we're working on some things. I love that, though, because I am the opposite. I'm like, Oh, I just drank water and it went down the wrong pipe, which means I'm coughing, which means I'm ill, which means I'm not going to go to work tomorrow, right? I will find any excuse to be sick and call out.
Andrew:I know you will. I wish I had more of that in me, but I don't at all. I can't do it. I blame my mother. So actually, that's probably not her fault. To blame my father.
Rich:How many days a week? Do you feel like you like to fly? Because people are always baffled by this, and we kind of just talked about this a little bit with, like, taking vacations in a regular month and things like that. But people always think we we work like set days, and we really don't. How many days a week do you like to fly?
Andrew:I'm not a day of the week. Flyer, I am a day of the month. Flyer, I really refuse to fly more than, like, 10 to 12 days a month. However they, like, get into that month is beautiful for my schedule. Like, we have family things, or we want to go on a trip, or we need to do something, or we have, like, a lot of things going on, like, I'll jam them up five or six in a row for legality purposes. And if you don't know, we're only allowed to work. Six days in a row without having rest period. So six is our max. So I'll do the max sometimes if I absolutely need to, but for the most part, I like to stay at the three to four range. It gets exhausting after that, unless I need something going on. But I try not to put five more than 12 a month. We can't. I can't do it.
Rich:I get that. I feel like people hear these numbers sometimes, and they're like, you work 10 days a month, or 12 or even 15. It doesn't sound like that many, yeah. And it's like people don't realize like, when we work, sometimes we work 12 13, hour days, 16 18, sometimes. And they're right in, like, regular operations, it can go up to, who knows how long. And so people don't realize, like, that physical toll on your body is a lot, and it takes a lot out of you. Like we always joke when we're done with trips, and not just Andrew and I, but like everybody, every flight attendant is like this, you need, like, a full recovery day, like a day, to literally just crash, and you sleep for like, 12 hours, and your body's dead, and you get up and you move on with your life. But this is why I've started trying to be more like you with my flying where, like, I'll do a few days, take a few days, because I used to, like, back everything up as much as I could,
Andrew:but then you'd come home and die for three days.
Rich:I would be dead for like, a full week. And it's, it's not
Andrew:But, and I don't think people realize how much, like fun, actually. the pressurization, the up and down really affects you. So like, two legs a day is one thing, but four legs a day is more exhausting than that, because your body is constantly changing the whole time. And if you're a frequent traveler, we know you fly as much as we do, we do, but we're, we're up and down a lot more, and it's, it really does get physically exhausting having your body change that much. Yeah, and pressurization,
Rich:if you are someone that flies a lot like, think about how tired you are, even from just like, sitting on a plane for X amount of time and being jet lagged from changing time zones. Like, multiply that by 10 and you have how exhausting your flight crews are, right?
Andrew:I think this is always fascinating. I think we can pull our audience for questions just on scheduling one and have that sort of conversation, because I think we know the questions you want to ask us. We're happy to answer them, but it's hard to draw them from memory. Sometimes,
Rich:yeah, absolutely.
Andrew:What happens if you are canceled or delayed?
Rich:I mean, at that point, it's God's will. I feel like when we're delayed or canceled, it's just anything could happen. I mean, and again, this is back to what you said earlier about airline contracts, because things really do vary airline to airline, like some of us, can be reassigned or rerouted easier than others. And so I feel like when that does happen, well, actually, one of my favorite things about this, when it does happen is the crew immediately, like without hesitation, starts planning in their head,
Andrew:doing awful math.
Rich:Well, awful math. But also, like the outcomes, like, it's like a choose your own adventure. Like, okay, but what? What if we're delayed enough that we get taken off that last leg and we actually get to overnight in this place instead of this place? Or, what if we get back to base late enough that I won't have enough rest and I don't have to work my trip tomorrow. Like, because we all do it, we all start dreaming, scheming, planning, and, like, probably nine times out of 10, it's that's not what happens. Is not what happens, right? But every now and then you, like, go illegal for a trip, and you're paid, protected, or whatever the case may be, and you're like, hallelujah. And I'm not religious, but I've mentioned God twice now, so thanks God.
Andrew:Well, and I think everyone thinks cancelations are fun for us, but I don't think they realize the amount of time that goes into getting us somewhere right, like we don't just cancel and step off the plane, or like we're free, no, we have to wait to see if there's other flying available for us, or if they need us to go somewhere else. If we do cancel and have to stay in a station that we're not normally at, we have to wait for hotels to be set up and ground time or ground transportation to be set up. This isn't like we walk off the plane and into an overnight like sometimes we sit around for like, eight hours, six hours waiting for all of these things to like happen, because we are in a city that, like, hotels are sold out, so they have to, like, go a couple hours away to find his hotels and right, figure out how to get us to these hotels. It's not, we're not, we're not rooting for a cancelation. I
Rich:know, especially when it's like a major event too, like, if it's just one flight that's got maintenance and you cancel, or whatever the case may be, it's not necessarily that crazy, but when this is, like, weather or something that's affecting the entire airline, or just aviation in general, it can turn into, like you said, if, like, 678, hours, right? I'm just waiting to figure out what you're supposed to do. Because, like you said, it's not like, we can just be like, Okay, I'm done. I'm leaving, like, if you're especially if you're not home, right? Not that simple, right?
Andrew:All of that, yeah, yeah. And I think the general public thinks we just walk off an airplane and into our swimsuits, right? Like this is so fun.
Rich:It's not fun for anyone, whish that's what happened, right? So what's the what's the busiest time of year for you at your airline as a flight attendant?
Andrew:I think in general, just holiday seasons, right? Like, yeah, I think the November to January during, like, Thanksgiving and Christmas is always chaos. I think that spring break is always a super busy time for all air travel, yeah, and random, random weekends are just bad. I'm like, how, how do we all pick today to go get on an airplane?
Rich:It's true. I do feel like previously, schedules, like flying was more predictable, like there were lulls at certain times of the year. And these days, I feel like, you know, props to you people, but everybody's taking their PTO now, yeah, and like those random weekends, like people are going places, which is great, but it's like, there's no lull. Like it used to be like, okay, January is going to be slow, or planes are probably going to be empty. Oh, October is going to be slower, planes are probably going to be empty. And I feel like that does not happen.
Andrew:They're not and there's not, like, a route that you can bid either anymore. That's like, this is one of, like, right offshoot routes that, like, isn't really always full. Like, people are getting out and exploring and traveling these days.
Rich:They're going everywhere, yeah, which makes bidding very hard, because you don't know what to do. It's the truth, and it's always funny too, because I feel like, you know, we normally, like people normally think, Oh, Christmas and Thanksgiving is crazy. And it's like, actually, all summer long, like, summer is probably the most hectic time of year, because it's just like, it's constant, it's non stop, like, everything's full, everything's oversold, everybody's going on vacation. Yeah, it's wild.
Andrew:It is, all right, I think that's all for today. To give you a little glimpse into how we bid and what some of our work rules are. I'm sure we didn't go deep enough, and I'm sure we can have another one of these conversations soon. But we hope you learned something today, or if you're listening and you are a flight attendant, tell us about your crazy bidding stories, because we like to find out how our friends bid
Rich:Absolutely. And before we go, we want to do a little Join us next time for more humor, heart and stories from segment we like to call, what would two guys do, W.W.T.G.D. So this is a segment where we're gonna have you guys submit your stories of your crazy, wild adventures up in the skies to us at two guys on a plane.com/podcast, and then we are going to read them. So today's story we have from Sarah from Seattle, Washington. She was flying from Seattle to Fresno. She says, during my first trash walk of the flight, I had a couple hand me empty doubles and asked for refills. the beverage cart. This episode was brought to you by staff They were already very intoxicated, so I cut them off. I told the other flight attendant, she said their card was declined anyways. So we did another trash walkthrough, and they handed me another round of empty doubles. I asked the flight attendant. She said they've given her a different credit card. So she served them again. So during cruise, I was sitting in the back and noticed that they were now making out aggressively. This was during, I know I can't even get through this one. This was during COVID. So I went up to ask them to keep their masks on, and he was fully exposed with his hand on the front of her romper. He'd also thrown up on her chest. And they were continuing to make out. I told them this was all wildly traveler, the number one non rev app if you travel on standby inappropriate and that they needed to stop immediately. They didn't stop. People were ringing their call bells like crazy because they were being so brazen. I had to move kids away from them. He was trying to make a FaceTime phone call in flight. It was all just an absolute mess. I had law enforcement meet the plane and haul them off as everyone was leaving the passengers sitting two seats behind them, handed me his card to tell me he was with the FAA and would be writing a report on
Andrew:Of course he didnt. our way off the plane. We found out that they had just met each other at the airport bar before the flight, and he didn't even have a confirmed seat.
Rich:First of all, Sarah, I'm sorry for what you've been tickets and are looking to make your journey easy and stress through. This is traumatizing just reading this, so I hope you got to take a day or two off after flying, because this is insane. What? What would you have done in this?
Andrew:Just throw them at them. Oh, he threw up on her.
Rich:I know this. This makes me think of his videos you see of like cats on Instagram when they're doing something bad and like the owner sprays. Like, we should start doing it to passengers and be like, No, wrong spray.
Andrew:I mean, I don't, I don't even want to get into like, how free. Check out the staff traveler app in the Apple App you could have done it different or better, because I don't. I don't think there is, like, all you can do. You have limited amount of seats to move people to. What do you do? Get a ABP or able bodied passenger, mom, um, and like, and move them. Yeah. Move, move the separate the two of them. But if they had just met, didn't even know if he was going on the airplane, and were already this heavily involved with each other, you weren't going to keep them apart. So moving other people away does seem the smarter option.
Rich:There's really just so much literally, there's the Store or Google Play Store. Visit staff traveler.com/two vomiting, there's the hand on the pants. There's having to move children away from those disaster let me keep just saying I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry that this was your day. Those kids guys to learn more and sign up your stories about that's great.
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